Tree & Crystal: Freedom
by MadamHydra
Summary: *spoilers* A sequel to 'Parting Gifts'. As she waits for Zidane's return, Dagger worries and receives some much needed advice from Doctor Tot.


ff9-freedom.v01 Last modified: 5/27/2001  
  
SYNOPSIS:  (spoilers) A sequel to "Parting Gifts".  As she waits for Zidane's return, Dagger worries and receives some much needed advice from Doctor Tot.   
  
=*= SPOILER WARNING! =*= SPOILER WARNING! =*= SPOILER WARNING!  =*=   
=*= This story contains major SPOILERS for the end of the game! =*=  
  
This is a rough draft and has not been extensively proofread, so please excuse the errors.   Comments & criticism always appreciated!   ^_^  
  
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   FREEDOM  
       A Final Fantasy IX fanfic by Madamhydra  
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Short Disclaimer: (Full Disclaimers at end)  
   All rights and privileges to Final Fantasy IX and its characters belong to Square Co., Ltd.     
  
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Text Conventions  
   (  ) are mental dialogue  
  
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PROLOGUE:  
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[ eight months after.... ]  
  
General Beatrix scowled irritably as she watched yet another limp-wristed, overdressed fop of a nobleman parade himself in front of her queen.  Her Majesty was polite, but decidedly disinterested.  That was no surprise.  Compared to someone as lively and interesting as Zidane, those ambitious young aristocrats had all the attraction and charm of cheap paper cutout dolls.    
  
Did they have any idea how obvious they were?  Anyone with a scrap of common sense could see that they weren't chasing after the Queen just because they were passionately in love with her.  Every single one of them was much more interested in getting the royal consort's ring on his scrawny finger.  Not that being a royal consort would ever be enough for these greedy scoundrels.  They undoubtedly had their hearts set on becoming the true ruler of Alexandria.  
  
Those idiots didn't stand a chance.  
  
The idea that Queen Garnet could ever be satisfied with those shallow, posturing fools was absolutely ludicrous.  No one could replace Zidane in her queen's heart.  That much was clear.  But if there ever came a time when Garnet decided to allow another man in her life, that man would have to match Zidane's generous heart and passion for life -- an unlikely preposition, to be sure.  Her Majesty would never settle for anything less, nor should anyone expect her to do so.  
  
Let the aristocracy squawk and whine all they want about the need for husbands of impeccable lineage and politically advantageous marriages.  After all the losses the queen had suffered and everything she had accomplished, how DARE they presume to deny her the one thing that could make her happy?    
  
Political advantage?  Hah!  The queen had been instrumental in saving Gaia from destruction and had been the guiding force behind Alexandria's reconstruction.  In addition to those achievements, the queen counted Regent Cid of Lindblum as uncle and the Dragon Knight Freya of Burmecia as one of her closest personal friends.  What conceivable marriage prospect could give Garnet of Alexandria more power, influence, and prestige than she already possessed?    
  
Granted, the Regent of Lindblum might quibble about Zidane's sometimes overly candid manner, but in truth, everyone knew that Cid had no real objection to him.  The Regent knew how much that young man meant to his beloved niece.  And one could only imagine what Freya of Burmecia might say or do to anyone who dared to call Zidane 'unfit' or 'unworthy' in her presence.    
  
However, one question continued to trouble the general deeply....  
  
(Why, Zidane?  Why did you stay behind?  How could you possibly put Kuja, your mortal enemy, before Garnet, the woman you love... or supposedly love?)  
  
Beatrix gritted her teeth in vexation.  Fortunately, that question didn't seem to bother the queen nearly as much as it did her general.  It was apparently enough for Garnet to know that Zidane had felt the need to act as he did, however stupid and reckless his actions might appear to be.   
  
(How could you abandon her like that, Zidane?)  
  
However, her annoyance didn't stop her from wishing for his return.  She wanted him back for the queen's sake.  Garnet seemed to be handling her new responsibilities well, but in recent weeks, Beatrix had noticed that something was troubling the young woman.  She had made some awkward attempt to broach the subject with the queen, but Garnet repeatedly evaded any discussion of the problem.  Beatrix could think of only one reason for the subtle strain and distress in the queen's eyes.  
  
(Come back, damn you!  She might not need you in order to survive, but she needs you in order to be happy!)  
  
She exhaled slowly.  Well, she couldn't do anything about Zidane, but she and Steiner would stand by their queen and defend her against all comers.  Although the queen was young, she was also wise beyond her years.  Beatrix was confident that the queen could see through most of these highborn plots.  But if some devious person dared to use either force or vile trickery to take advantage of the queen, that person would quickly learn just how vigilant and dangerous Her Majesty's protectors could be....  
  
Beatrix frowned thoughtfully as a startling thought suddenly occurred to her.  True, Zidane had left the queen behind... but he hadn't left her *alone* and unprotected.  Could that explain...?  However, she had barely started to explore that train of thought when someone abruptly accosted her.  
  
"Ah, there you are, General."  
  
Beatrix turned to see Commander Michelle, a dark-haired woman in armor, striding toward her with a rather discontented expression on her face.  She had been stationed at a distant outpost of the kingdom and now the commander was constantly complaining that she had missed 'all the fun'.    
  
In a loud, penetrating voice, the other woman said, "Oh look, it's that clod Steiner.  Still clunking around like the clumsy fool he is.  Well, at least he managed to get that damn rust off his armor."  She chuckled maliciously.  "What did you do, Beatrix?  Stuff him into a sand barrel and tumble him around for a few hours?"    
  
Steiner, who was standing only a few yards away with his back toward them, couldn't help but hear the commander's snide remarks.  He stiffened perceptibly, but didn't turn around.  
  
Beatrix said coldly, "Watch your tongue, commander, and remember the courtesy due a fellow soldier."  
  
"Oh come on!  It's not as if you didn't make the same sort of remarks about his armor yourself!" the commander retorted in a sulky voice.  
  
As she watched Steiner abruptly stalk off across the floor without so much as a glance behind him, Beatrix said evenly, "Well, I've discovered that I was wrong about a great many things."  
  
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PART 1:  
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Queen Garnet Til Alexandros the 17th leaned back against the ornate stone railing of the tower's balcony and surveyed the nearly rebuilt spires of Alexandria Castle.  Underneath the scaffolding that still surrounded some of the towers, she could see the bright gleam of the familiar white stone.  
  
(I wonder what he would think of the reconstruction?  Would he consider it an improvement?  Would he even care?)  
  
She chuckled softly to herself.  Somehow she didn't think that Zidane cared too much about the subtle aesthetic details of castles.  He would probably be much more interested in knowing how easy it was to get in or out of them.  Other than that, the only thing he would probably care about was whether a building did its job of keep its inhabitants warm and dry.  
  
She found it fascinating how Zidane's thoughts had always seemed to focus more on *people* than on material things.  That wasn't to say that he didn't like money or treasure, but somehow, she had the impression that getting rich was never Zidane's real reason for being a thief.  
  
(Maybe he prefers to be a thief because it allows him to be free....)  
  
Her smile faded as she glanced down at her gown.  As court dress went, it was very much on the plain and simple side, but it was still much more confining than the comfortable shirt and pants she had worn just a few months ago... a few months ago when she had ridden the winds in an airship to every corner of the globe and beyond.  
  
Life as a royal was much harder and difficult than most people could imagined.  And even though she had spent most of her life as a princess, she still found returning to the confines of castle life incredibly difficult.  If Zidane returned -- *when* he returned, she quickly corrected herself -- how could a free spirit like him possibly cope with all the restrictions of custom, tradition, and protocol?  Was it fair to make him try?  Would he even want to make the attempt?  
  
As she watched a small tawny gold hawk soaring through the castle spires and expertly threading the maze of towers, galleries, and parapets with sharp flicks of its powerful wings, she felt a sudden pang in her heart.    
  
That beautiful creature was just a temporary visitor to the castle, able to come and go as it pleased.  It wouldn't stay for long.  Inevitably, it would return to the world of the wide open sky, grassy fields, and wild forests.  Just like Zidane would surely hunger to return to the freedom of his old free-wheeling life....  
  
She could understand the attraction, but she wouldn't be able to follow him.  Too many people needed her.  They depended on her.  Her chest began to ache as she fought to suppress a sudden urge to cry.  
  
"Excuse me, your Majesty.  I didn't mean to intrude," a familiar high, piping voice said behind her.  Startled, she whirled around to see Doctor Tot standing on the stairs.  
  
"Oh... no.  There's no need to leave, Doctor," she said quickly as she turned away, hastily brushing any suspicious moisture from the corner of her eyes.  
  
When he reached her side, he rocked back and forth on his heels for a moment, then casually commented, "My, the view is even better than I remembered."  
  
She tried to laugh and was embarrassed to hear a watery chuckle escape her throat.  
  
Her old tutor tipped his head and said gently, "My dear, what's wrong?"  
  
"It's... it's nothing.  I still get a bit weepy at times, that's all.  It's nothing, really."  
  
"Hmmmm...."  He gave her that same half-amused, half-stern look he would often give her when he knew she was trying to hide something.  
  
Just as that moment, the small tawny hawk zipped past the balcony, so close that she could have reached out her arm to touch it.  For an instant, time seemed to freeze.  She could see all the subtle shades of gold in its feathers, and the bright gleam of its piercing blue eyes... and then it was gone.  
  
Following her gaze as the bird made a sharp, aerobatic loop and disappeared behind a tower, Doctor Tot said, "Beautiful, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes... yes it is."  Turning toward him, she said absently, "Do you know what it is?"  
  
He chuckled.  "Indeed I do.  To tell you the truth, I've been gathering information about this newly discovered species."  
  
Without taking her gaze away from the sky, she asked, "Newly discovered?"  
  
"Yes, only within the last six months or so.  Small and very fast.  These hawks are reputed to be remarkably good-tempered -- for a raptor, that is -- and usually not aggressive unless seriously provoked.  In that case, they are surprisingly fierce and dangerous.  They are apparently fearless and capable of bringing down prey or attackers much larger in size."  
  
She gave him a startled look.  "You do know quite a lot about them!"  
  
"Not nearly as much as I would like to.  I've been unable to get away to do my own research, but fortunately, I have some very helpful people who send me pages and pages of interesting reports.  Absolutely fascinating, isn't it?"  
  
"I can see why," she said, then added with an oddly tight tone in her voice, "But what is it doing here?  It's a creature of the wild.  He really doesn't belong in such a... a confining place like this."  
  
He tipped his head again as he worked his way through the princess's rather disjointed conversation.  Eventually, he said in a neutral voice, "Yes, I'd say it's quite wild.  No one's ever successfully managed to capture one of these birds, much less keep it in captivity.  But am I right in assuming we are no longer discussing hawks?" he inquired gently.  
  
She twitched in surprise, then glanced away.  
  
"I presume you're referring to Zidane."  
  
Unaware that she had begun to wring her hands, she whispered, "You've always understood me a little too well.  Yes...."  
  
"Are you thinking that he doesn't belong here, with you, in your world?"  
  
"Wha-... what do you mean by that?" she sputtered.  
  
Doctor Tot scratched his lower beak and said mildly, "Well, his upbringing would definitely be considered as very low class.  Not to mention that he has a distinct disregard for authority and rules.  Some might even go as far as to say that he's a scoundrel with no class, no manners, and no breeding.  That's not even mentioning the fact that if people knew of his *true* origin, some might even consider him to be an unnatural monster, an artificial creation of an alien world and no better than the black mages."  
  
She stalked forward a step, her dark eyes glittering furiously.  Garnet demanded sharply, "Who dared to say such horrible things about him!?  Tell me, who!?  It wasn't Steiner or Beatrix, was it?"  
  
He made a calming gesture and said, "Oh, our dear Captain and General have nothing but the greatest respect for the young man.  Also, no one but your closest friends know about his true origins, so there's no need to worry about that."  
  
But Garnet was in no mood to be placated.  "But there *have* been comments about him being 'common' and 'low bred', right?"  
  
Doctor Tot didn't attempt to refute her statement and merely shrugged.  
  
"How DARE they turn up their noses at him, just because he's honest, caring, and speaks his mind!?  After all he's done for them and this whole world!?  How DARE they say that he's not worthy of my attention just because he can't trace his lineage back ten or twenty generations!?" she stormed angrily.  "Well, I bet that if some of those stuck up fools DID trace their line back that far, they'd find more than one thief or commoner, too!"  She looked as if she might pounce on him and throttle him if he dared to disagree.  
  
"You're probably right, Your Majesty."  
  
His mild reply managed to cool her temper a bit.  Giving him a hurt look, she said more quietly, "Do you really think that I'm that shallow?  Do you think that my feelings for Zidane have changed just because I'm now a Queen?  I don't care about what those fools say!"  
  
"Then what's the problem?  What's bothering you so much?"  
  
"It's... it's just that...."  She started pacing agitatedly.  "I don't see how he could possibly be *happy* here!  After all, he's spent his entire life roaming the world as he pleases, doing whatever he wants, free as a... well, free as that hawk!" she blurted.  "I mean, *I* can barely stand it, with all the stifling rules, rituals, and customs!  All the things you can or can't do!  How could I expect someone like him to be happy here!?"  
  
He blinked, then said with a slight touch of benign amusement, "Is that what you've been fretting yourself to pieces about?  Whether Zidane will be happy here?  With you?"  
  
She blushed furiously and stared down at her fingers as she absently picked at the fine gold embroidery of her gown.  
  
"What you really mean is that if you, a person who has been raised as a member of royalty for most of her life, can't stand this sort of lifestyle, how can you possibly expect anyone else to like it?"  
  
"Yes.  That's basically it."  
  
"My dear Garnet, are you acquainted with the phrase, 'borrowing trouble'?"  
  
"Um... not really."  
  
"It means to waste your energy worrying about a problem that might not ever arise."  
  
"But... but you said it yourself!  The world I live in now is so different from anything he's ever known!"  
  
"And if... sorry, I mean WHEN he returns, what do you intend to do about it?  Do you plan to send him away just because you *think* that he'll be unhappy here?"  
  
"I... maybe it would be for the best... for him, that is," she mumbled, her shoulders sagging.  
  
Doctor Tot sighed gustily and rolled his eyes.  "Do you really think that would ensure his happiness?  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Bluntly put, it's... possible... that living here might make Zidane unhappy...."  
  
"There, you see?  Even you...."  
  
He firmly interrupted her, "However, even though I've had only the briefest acquaintance with the young man, I feel reasonably certain in saying that driving him away from your side will *definitely* make him unhappy."  
  
"....oh."  
  
He turned to look at the tawny gold hawk, who was now perched on a neighboring tower and seemed to be watching them with intense curiosity.    
  
"Tell me something.  You like that bird, don't you?  Its presence brings you pleasure, correct?"  
  
"Well... yes, but I don't...."  
  
"Would you lock that bird in a cage to keep it from leaving your side, my Queen?"  
  
"No, of course not!" she exclaimed.  
  
"And what if that bird choses to stay around the castle?  Would you try to drive it away, just because you believe that it belonged in the wilderness and not in a big, bustling city?"  
  
"No, that's ridiculous!"  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"Because... because it should be free to choose where it goes...."  
  
He gave her a stern look.  "Then why are you trying to deprive Zidane of the same freedom to choose where he wants to go or where he wants to stay?"  
  
She stared blankly at him, then slowly sank down on the stone floor.    
  
"Is... is that what I'm trying to do?  Take away his freedom?  But I... I only wanted to...."  
  
He sighed gustily.  "My dear girl.  I know you've worked tirelessly to rebuild Alexandria.  It's wonderful that you try so hard to take care of others, but you must also understand that people are responsible for making their own choices."  
  
Doctor Tot took a moment to organize his thoughts, then said, "Zidane is the only one who can decide what makes him happy. You cannot make the decision for him.  There's another common folk saying that you should know.  'You can lead a chocobo to water, but you cannot make it drink.'"  
  
She looked up at him and said, "Really?"  
  
Doctor Tot replied, "There's a story of a man who always believed he was right.  One day, he decided that his chocobo was thirsty and took it down to a lake.  He stood there and waited, but the chocobo would not drink.  He coaxed and he yelled, and yet the chocobo refused to drink because it wasn't thirsty.  Well, he finally decided to make the bird drink."  
  
"And what happened?"  
  
"He drowned it."  
  
Garnet's face went pale.  
  
"The point is that you cannot force Zidane to be happy.  However, you can hurt him and make him very unhappy, indeed.  I know it doesn't sound fair but...."  
  
"....life's rarely fair, isn't it," she said quietly.  "But people are more complicated than hawks and chocobos.  What if he stays here only because he wants to make *me* happy?"  
  
"But isn't that his decision to make?"  
  
She was silent for a moment, then said, "Yes, of course.  Now I understand.  It's up to him to decide whether staying with me is worth all the trouble he'll have to endure."  
  
The elderly scholar raised an eyebrow, then said drily, "Your Majesty, I think you seriously underestimate Zidane's feelings for you and his determination."  
  
To the doctor's vast amusement, she slowly started to blush.  
  
"In Madain Sari, I asked him... I asked him why he came with me."  
  
He pricked up his ear tufts and listened attentively.  
  
"He quoted a line from Ispen's play to me."  
  
Doctor Tot leaned forward in anticipation.  
  
" He said, 'Only because I wanted to go with you.' "  
  
He started to chuckle softly.  "From my observations, Zidane strikes me as being a singularly honest and candid young man... with respect to his feelings, that is.  Sometimes to the point of tactlessness, as Regent Cid has observed on several occasions."  
  
She uttered a muffled snort of laughter as she rose to her feet, then said thoughtfully, "So, what can I do, Doctor Tot?"  
  
"All I can suggest that you make your own feelings on the matter clear to him from the very beginning.  Be honest about your concerns.  I think he'd appreciate it.  And after that's done, all you can do is respect his judgment and his decision."  He chuckled, then added, "It's complicated and difficult, I know.  That's probably why I've chosen to remain a bachelor all these years."  
  
She frowned, thinking hard.  Then without warning, she walked over to her old tutor and gave him a sudden hug.    
  
"Thank you so very much for your advice, Doctor, and so much more."  
  
It was his turn to blushed deeply.  "I'm here to give you any help that I can.  You have but to ask, my dear Garnet."  
  
"I know."  
  
He coughed, tugged awkwardly at his shirt collar, then said, "Before I go, I have one more suggestion, if I may.  Remember this.  You are the Queen of Alexandria, not its prisoner.  If you do not enjoy the world you currently reside in, try changing it to something both you and Zidane will find more tolerable."  
  
"Doctor...?"  
  
"Rules and customs are good things... in moderation.  They give our lives some degree of predictability and structure.  Unfortunately they can also prevent growth and change.  And without growth and change, a living thing never reaches its fullest potential.  You have experienced this for yourself."  
  
She blinked, then in a slightly amazed voice, said, "I can't believe I never thought of doing that."  
  
"Some rules and customs have a useful purpose, while others...."  He shrugged and waved a hand carelessly.  
  
"I'll keep that in mind," she said with an odd little smile.  
  
Doctor Tot headed for the stairs, but she called out, "You never told me the name of that hawk."  
  
He paused with his foot on the stair.  He glanced back at her and said, "The Conde Petie dwarves call it a golden rogueheart and consider it to be a sign of extremely good luck."  
  
Garnet gaped at him for a moment, then said in a slightly choked voice, "Conde Petie...?   Where... where were these hawks first sighted?"  
  
"In the branches of the Iifa Tree," Doctor Tot replied, with an odd little twinkle in his eyes.  
  
She suddenly gave her old tutor an incredibly beautiful smile.  The small gold-winged, blue-eyed rogueheart blinked as she threw her head back and started to laugh freely and wholeheartedly for the first time in months.   The raptor then leapt into the air and soared upward, barely beating its wings, almost as if her warm, joyous laughter was an air current carrying it high into the sky.  
  
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So far and away, see the birds as it flies by  
Gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky  
I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings.   
Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings.  
  
-- "Melodies of Life"  
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Keeper of Duo's Dark Side ~~~ Duo no Seishi  
Co-Keeper of Duo's Scythe & Bat Wings (w/ Death)  
Co-Keeper of Little Grim Reaper Duo (w/ Kitsune)  
Saitoh no Koibito ~~~ Corruptor Extraordinaire  
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madamhydra@aol.com              /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/:E  
http://www.geocities.com/madamhydra/  
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The Full Disclaimer:  
   All rights and privileges to Final Fantasy IX and its characters belong to Square Co., Ltd.  The characters of this series are used withOUT permission for the purpose of entertainment only.  This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit.                  
   Original portion of the fiction included here is considered to be the sole property and copyrighted to the author.  
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